Brit and Alex

Usually I stumble upon new music that turns out to be bad, or even the unlikely recommendation by a friend turns sour, however, in this situation, it was almost Deus Ex Machina and I nearly passed up on the opportunity handed to me. One of Brit and Alex's street team members handed me a poster of them and asked to pose for their street team, after inadvertently handing back the flier, it was only later did I realize my mistake. Don't worry, I took the poster back. Poor Brit and Alex.

So at first glance, this looked horrific from the start. Who let this be their press photo??


Not only does this look terrible - it doesn't even make me want to go listen to the music! Granted I wanted to listen to the music, only so I could add it here, but that's despite my point.

Going to their website clearly indicates that yes, their song was in a movie that no one went to see. It's also excessively magenta. And fugly. What made me laugh is one of the quotes from one of the girls (they're twin sisters believe it or not... I know, could this be anymore of a gem?): "I constantly have music in my head and I honestly didn't realize until recently that not everyone else did." Don't worry, it took me a few reads to actually understand what she was trying to say too. It just keeps getting better! The other sister has some massively long quote that the flashy animation doesn't even permit to stay up long enough to finish, but its something along the lines of forcing her friends to listen to her sing Bonnie Raitt in her basement. I really wish I was kidding. Because you know, its never true friendship until you're tied up in your friends basement, having country music shoved down your throat. Shame on my friends, I missed out.

After doing some research, I found out they're ex-child actors 1 2. So we have some entertainment background here! You'd think they'd know better! The song that sticks out the best (worst?) on their MySpace (which is the only link on their actual website) is "If You Never Knew." These girls do not know how to sing together. It's as if we never knew they had talent. Which they don't. It's a shame I can't tell them apart, but one of them sings with WAY too much vibrato. Like to the point where it just doesn't fit with the song! There is a time and place for vibrato and it's called The Stage. Not teeny-bopper, major label, written/produced/engineered-by-other-people-who-aren't-you records put out to support a movie that probably went to DVD in a week. Not like you can really hear it on top of all the over-production on their voices and the fact that music is pretty loud which competes with their voices. I wonder why its so loud.......



I think my favorite line in this song is

I took a bite of freedom (it tastes so sweet)

What?!?! Even better, they can't dance! Watch this; watch when you see them come on. Half of this video is focused on the movie about DANCING and when its Brit and Alex's turn for the camera, all they do is shake their junk - in unison - and then its a quick cut right back to the professionals humping the floor in the rain. The best is the beginning where they not only plug the iPhone, but use it to watch other people dance to their song! And towards then end when they hog the camera, clearly someone noticed they needed to have some actual dancers so they added some color to the shaking of the boobies. I'm sorry, if you're going to put a pop album out, its already a given that you did not write the song, or produce it, or do anything for that matter but be a pretty face on the screen, the least you could do is have some redeeming qualities to your career. Now, if your fake song is going to be used in a movie, don't let it be a goddamn DANCE movie where you can't even dance yourself in your OWN VIDEO!

Ahhh so many things are wrong with this I can't take it! And we thought it would be hard to be inspired by bad music. Touché, world!

"Higher" by Heidi Montag

Unless you have been living in a remote mountain cave, chances are you have not only had the misfortune to hear "The Hills" reality "star" Heidi Montag's first "single," "Higher," but you have also seen the gratuitous boobfest she attempted to pass off as a music video.  It was so horrendous it was taken off YouTube and all other websites approximately 24 hours after debuting due to the video's poor fan feedback and its potential to lower the IQ of viewers by up to 18 points.  "I just started sobbing uncontrollably," Montag told Us magazine, "I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out."

Yeah, that was our reaction too.

I can think of only one thing I've encountered recently that is more completely terrible than the music video for "Higher," which is, of course, the song itself.

The song's one redeeming quality is its profound lyrical message:

I’m only going higher, higher, I’m gonna take it higher, higher
No time for looking back, I dream and that’s a fact, I’m only going higher, higher, higher.

Higher, higher, higher, higher, higher, higher, higher, higher

I’m only going higher, higher, I’m gonna take it higher, higher
No time for looking back, I dream and that’s a fact, I’m only going higher, higher, higher.

I’m only going higher, higher, I’m gonna take it higher, higher
No time for looking back, I dream and that’s a fact, I’m only going higher, higher, higher.

Feel the wind on your face, we frolic or race, we can go at your pace, pace, the power lifted me so I set me free.

Am I dreaming?

So, you know, at least there's some meaning to the song.